A Man After God’s Own Heart
#11- "A TRUE FRIEND"
1 Samuel 20
by Rev. John R. Hannem,
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One of the problems in our society today is what someone referred to as "friend inflation." What I mean by that is that our definition of friendship has been so broadened that we tend to equate acquaintances with friends, and thus almost everyone says, "Oh, I have a lot of friends." Or we say, "Yeah, a good friend of mine works there too. Bill...ah, I can't remember his last name."
The novelist Albert Camus said, "I have no friends, only accomplices." That is true for some teenagers. Their friends are the people with whom they get into trouble. Adults have some rather shallow friendships too. I think of the fellow who said, "Oh, yeah, Joe and I are great friends, we grew up together. I have known him since the fourth grade. There is nothing I would not do for Joe and there is nothing he would not do for me. In fact, for forty years we have gone through life together doing absolutely nothing for each other."
Well it is tragic that Christian friendships are sometimes like that. I am convinced that one of the greatest problems not only out there in society, but also within the
David and Jonathan are good friends. We first learned that back in 1 Samuel 18:1-4 After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father's house. And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.
This is clearly a very deep friendship. Some suggest it was a homosexual relationship, but that is absolute garbage. There is nothing at all in the text which suggests that. In Chapter 18, we see Jonathan argue on David's behalf before Saul. He is seeking to convince his father that David is not an enemy. In our text today, Chapter 20, David is afraid that Saul is going to try to kill him. 1 Samuel 20:1 Then David fled from Naioth at Ramah and went to Jonathan and asked, "What have I done? What is my crime? How have I wronged your father, that he is trying to take my life?" Jonathan expresses his desire to help David, so the two of them develop a plan. For the next two days, David will not go to the palace. He will hide in a field while Jonathan checks out Saul's attitude toward David, and Jonathan promises to warn David if there is any danger.
On the second day, Saul becomes suspicious about David's absence and asks Jonathan where he is. In Verse 28, Jonathan claims he has given David permission to go to Bethlehem and visit his family. But Saul is not happy about that. 20:30-32 Saul's anger flared up at Jonathan and he said to him, "You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don't I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you? As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. Now send and bring him to me, for he must die!" "Why should he be put to death? What has he done?" Jonathan asked his father.
Jonathan decides it is time to warn David. He goes out to the field where David is, shoots an arrow, and sends a servant to retrieve it. 20:37,38 When the boy came to the place where Jonathan's arrow had fallen, Jonathan called out after him, "Isn't the arrow beyond you?" Then he shouted, "Hurry! Go quickly! Don't stop!" The boy picked up the arrow and returned to his master. This was a signal for David to flee. Then there is a tearful farewell between David and Jonathan. 20:42 Jonathan said to David, "Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, 'The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.'"
First, friendship involves caring about the other person. Many times people want a friendship because of what they can get from it. It is often true that success in life depends not so much on what you know, but who you know. So there are a lot of folk trying to get to know the right people. They try to develop friendships with those who are rich, powerful, popular, and influential. In the business world, and even in the church, people talk about networking. That involves getting to know people who will help us get to know others. The focus, though, is on developing relationships from which I can benefit. I invite someone over to dinner because he might be able to help the church some way. Pretty soon we start to evaluate our friendships on how much we can get from them. Even in Christian circles, there are books about why we need friends, focusing upon the personal benefits of these relationships. But we often neglect the other person's interests.
Jonathan and David had a different kind of friendship. It was not based on what they could do for each other. Oh, they did many things for each other, but that was not the foundation of the friendship. Look at Jonathan for a moment. He is the son of King Saul. He knows his father sees David as a threat. He probably knew Samuel had anointed David as the next king. In a sense, David was Jonathan's competition for the throne. If Jonathan was concerned about self-interest, the last thing he would want to do is help David. It would have made sense to betray David to Saul. But listen to what Jonathan says in Verse 20:4 Jonathan said to David, "Whatever you want me to do, I'll do for you." He means what he says. In Verse 33 we read how Saul gets so angry he tosses his spear at Jonathan. Jonathan is willing to risk his life for his friend David. What is the basis of their friendship? They simply care about each other. They care about what's good for the other person.
Those types of relationships do exist in the church today. They are friendships which don't make sense to a lot of people around us. Chuck Colson talks about the first Bible study he attended after his conversion to Christianity. This is over twenty five years ago. Two of the key men in the group were a liberal Democrat Senator from
Well, we need to examine our friendships and ask ourselves, "Am I more concerned about what I can gain from a friendship, or do I focus on how I can serve the other person?" Jonathan and David show us that true friendship is built on the latter.
Secondly, genuine friendship involves commitment to the other person. A true friend is someone we can count on, someone who is loyal both in the good times and the not-so-good times. As someone said, "A friend is a man who laughs at your funny stories even if they ain't so funny, and sympathizes with your misfortunes even if they ain't so bad." I think that is the kind of friendship David and Jonathan have. There is a willingness to stand by each other no matter what the circumstances are. Look at what Jonathan says as he and David depart from each other. 20:42 Jonathan said to David, "Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, 'The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.'" Many years later, David the King, remembers this promise and shows great kindness to Jonathan's son, Mephibosheth (2 Samuel 9). I don't think there is a greater treasure than having a friend you know you can count on, who will stick by you, no matter what the situation is. Whether you need some time, money, muscle, or a shoulder to cry on, that person is always ready and willing to help. He/she is the type of person who walks in when everyone else is walking out. During a battle, a soldier was wounded and could not get back to safety. His buddy went out to get him, even though the sergeant ordered him not to. He returned seriously wounded and the friend who he had carried back was dead. The sergeant yelled, "I told you not to go! It was not worth it!" The wounded man replied, "But it was, sir, because when I got to him, he said, 'I knew you would come.'" It is great to have friends who we know will come when we need them.
You know, I believe I am a very rich man. Oh, I don't think that because of how much money I have in the bank, or because of the minivan we drive, or because of any bank accounts with my name on them. I am a very rich man because of the friends I have on whom I know I can depend. I'm blessed with a wife who is always there for me. I have some great friends who live in other parts of the country who I know will always be there if I need them. And it is also wonderful to have some magnificent friends in this room, who I know I can trust. God has been very good to me. Friends, again I ask you to examine your friendships and ask yourself: Are my friendships based on convenience? Or, like Jonathan and David, are they based on loyalty and commitment?
Thirdly, true friendship involves honesty. Good friends trust each other enough to let the other person know what is really going on in their life. As David expresses his concern about what Saul is going to try to do, Jonathan speaks these words: 20:9 "Never! If I had the least inkling that my father was determined to harm you, wouldn't I tell you?" The implied answer is, "Yes, of course I would tell you." Jonathan and David were honest with each other. Each of them knew that some of the things they shared could give the other one an opportunity to harm them. But they were willing to take the risk of being honest, because they trusted each other.
We really can't develop close friendships until we are willing to let other people know who we really are. As long as we keep a mask on; as long as we pretend to be someone we are not; as long as we keep telling other people that things are OK when they really are not, our friendships are going to be shallow. I am so grateful for the friends I have who I know are honest with me. They tell me what is happening in their life, and they will tell me what they see in my life. I need at least one friend, we all need at least one friend, who can lovingly tell us when we are being stubborn, or selfish, or arrogant or just plain foolish. We need at least one friend who we trust enough that when they tell us some of those true, but painful things, we will say "Thank you, I know you said that only because you care about me." That type of relationship is only possible when two people are committed to each other and are willing to be honest with each other.
Friends, I think David and Jonathan had that type of friendship. Do you have that type of friend? Do your friends know who you really are, what you are really like, what really concerns you? Or do your friends only see the surface? Are you pretending to be someone you really are not? True friendship involves honesty.
Fourthly, the best friendships have a spiritual foundation. What makes David and Jonathan's friendship so special? The answer is that it is rooted in a common relationship with the Lord. Listen to Verses 20:12-15 Then Jonathan said to David, "By the Lord, the God of Israel, I will surely sound out my father by this time the day after tomorrow! If he is favorably disposed toward you, will I not send you word and let you know? But if my father is inclined to harm you, may the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if I do not let you know and send you away safely. May the Lord be with you as he has been with my father. But show me unfailing kindness like that of the Lord as long as I live, so that I may not be killed, and do not ever cut off your kindness from my family -- not even when the Lord has cut off every one of David's enemies from the face of the earth."
Also 20:42a Jonathan said to David, "Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord.." In previous chapters we saw that David was a man after God's own heart, a man who deeply trusted the Lord. Today we see that Jonathan also had a strong faith in God. This was the key to their commitment to each other. In 1 John 4:19, the apostle reminds us that we love God because He first loved us. It is our experience of God's love which enables us to love Him. This is also what gives us the ability to love others. Listen to what 1 John 4:7 says: Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Our experience of God's love helps us be a true friend. Thus, it is no surprise that the best friends, those on whom we can really count, are those friends which share our faith in Jesus Christ. Does this mean we cannot have a good friendship with someone who is not a Christian? Of course not. Over the years, especially during high school and college, I had many friends who were not Christians. But those friendships fade as time goes by. I really believe that if I am a follower of Jesus Christ, it only makes sense that my best friends also be followers of Jesus. If the most important thing in my life is to love and obey the Lord, then that is bound to affect my friendships. It was Jesus who said, "A house divided against itself cannot stand." When one person is committed to honoring God and the other is rebelling against the Lord, a close and deep friendship is really not possible.
This also means that when we have friends who are also believers in Christ, these relationships should be true Christian friendships. Good Christian friends should be able to pray together and talk about how God is at work in their lives. Good Christian friends should share things which they are learning from God's Word, the Bible, with each other. The common relationship with Jesus Christ should be a central part of the friendship. We should be able to go to a Christian friend and tell them we are concerned about sin that seems to be in their lives. And we ought to confront a friend when we believe his/her priorities are out of line. Like David and Jonathan, we need to have friendships which have a spiritual foundation.
Let me confess that when I look at my friendships, I know there is room for improvement. I have a number of great Christian friendships, David-and-Jonathan-type relationships, but I also have a number of friends who happen to be Christians, but we don't really have a Christian friendship. By that I mean that when we get together, the things of the Lord don't really play much of a role in our relationship. We joke around a lot, we talk about hockey, politics, and our family. We may even talk about the church or other Christian people. But, we don't talk about our relationship with God and what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ. We don't talk about our souls. That is too bad. It is a waste of what could possibly be a great friendship. I encourage you to make sure that at least some of the relationships you have with other believers in Christ are really Christian friendships. Make sure that you are encouraging each other in your faith and take time to discuss God's Word and pray together. Build on a spiritual foundation and you will have the best friendships you could ever hope for.
Now, maybe some of you have been discouraged the whole time you have listened today. You are thinking, "Pastor I don't have any real friends. I honestly cannot think of a single person on the planet who truly cares about me." Maybe you are right. The best advice I can give for making a friend is this poem: I went out to find a friend, but could not find one there. I went out to be a friend, and friends were everywhere.
I'm pretty sure that if you are willing to go out and demonstrate the love of Christ to other people, you will get some friends. But the good news, the great news, is that even if you don't have one friend on this planet, you can still have a friend who sticks closer than a brother. He is a friend who will love us beyond our imagination, a friend who will never leave us. The Bible says that if we trust in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, He no longer considers us His servant, but we are His friends. And if Jesus is our friend, He will always be there for us. Even when it comes time to die, we can count on Him to bring us safely to our eternal home in heaven. So the question is: Are you a friend of Jesus Christ? If not, you can become one today simply by putting your trust in Him. If you’re not sure what that means, please talk to me after the service. If Jesus is your friend, be of good cheer, no matter what is happening in your life. He is the only friend we really need. Yet, He wants us to share that love with others. May the Lord help us to be good friends.