SURVIVOR SERIES
#2 - "SURVIVING WHEN DEATH STRIKES"
by Rev. John Hannem,
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This morning we continue in our four-part "Survivor" series. This mornings message deals with what is no doubt the most difficult and most stressful situation in life. This message is entitled "Surviving When Death Strikes." Death is very much a reality. Death is a part of our lives. And of all the different problems and situations we as human beings face, the two hardest have to be facing our own death, and having someone close to us die. In most other situations of life there is at least the possibility that things will get better, but death is so final. Today we are going to focus on surviving when someone we care about dies. This is something almost all of us have experienced, and if we haven't yet, the odds are that we will certainly have to in the future. Now, I realize that some of you listening may be facing serious medical problems and are perhaps feeling that your own death may be imminent. That is a very tough situation to be in, and I hope maybe something I say today will be helpful to you, but our focus is going to be on dealing with grief and surviving when someone we love dies. So let's pray that the Lord would use His Word to encourage and strengthen us today.
I am going to make three main points today and then give some brief practical suggestions.
Point #1: When death strikes, it is OK to grieve. There is nothing wrong with shedding tears when someone dies. First Thessalonians tells us that when a fellow Christian dies, we should "not grieve like those who have no hope." The assumption however is that we do indeed grieve. Jesus certainly did. When His friend Lazarus died, John tells us that "Jesus wept." This is a verse many of us have memorized. The context does not indicate that Jesus was expressing sorrow over the lack of faith the people had, He was simply sad because His friend was dead. And even though Jesus knew He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, He does not rebuke Mary for mourning over her brother, but rather he feels deep empathy and compassion for her. Jesus makes it clear that expressing sorrow when someone we love dies does not show a lack of faith in God. Nor do I find any place in the Bible which says grief should only last a certain length of time. Yes, time is a great healer, but when someone we really love dies, I think there will always be a scar in our heart as long as we live.
But, the question remains ... is grief an "unworthy emotion" for a Christian? Some seem to think that if a believer in Christ dies and goes to be with the Lord, there is really no reason to be sad. That person's soul is now enjoying perfect happiness. So, instead of a funeral to mourn someone's death, these folks insist we should have a party to celebrate that the individual has gone home to be with Jesus. Sometimes people who think this way do that, and other times they try to make those of us who don't share their perspective feel guilty for mourning the loss of a loved one. When folk do that I get a little irritated, because it is hard enough to be grieving without having someone tell us we should feel guilty for doing so. Now, everything these people say about a Christian going to be with the Lord after he or she dies is quite true. If they were a believer in Jesus Christ, I am confident they are now happier today in the Lord's presence than they ever were while here on earth. But there are a couple of reasons why it is OK to shed a few tears when someone dies.
The first reason is because if we value the relationship, we are going to miss that person. Is that a selfish attitude? I don't think so. The mom that cries as she watches her little five-year-old get on the school bus for the first day of kindergarten is not selfish. She simply loves that child and values the closeness of that relationship. I get a little suspicious when someone is "celebrating" that his or her spouse has now gone to be with Jesus. When there is no grief, there probably was not much love.
The second reason why it is OK to shed tears when someone dies is because death is an enemy. Death entered the world because of sin. When we read 1 Corinthians 15, we see that one of the great things about the resurrection of Jesus Christ is that it marks the defeat of death. In 1 Corinthians 15:25,26, the Apostle Paul writes, "For Christ must reign until he puts his enemies under his feet. The last enemy to be destroyed is death." Then listen to 1 Corinthians 15:54,55;57 When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory." "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Point #2: Yet even as we grieve, we should do so with hope. God has given us wonderful promises in the Bible concerning what happens after we die. For example, 1 Thessalonians 4 says that Paul and the other apostles taught that Jesus Christ was going to return to earth and establish His kingdom. The years went by, however, and that did not happen. In fact some of the folks in the church at Thessalonica had died, and others were in very poor health. Were these people going to miss out on all the wonderful things that Jesus' kingdom would involve? Paul says, of course not. 1 Thessalonians ,14 Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep (those who die), or to grieve like the rest of men who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. In other words, when Jesus returns, which He surely will do someday, though none of us knows when, a great resurrection will occur. All those Christians who have died will be brought back to life and, as 1 Corinthians 15 says, will be given new and improved, glorified bodies. For the Christian, death is temporary. Just as Jesus conquered death, those who trust in Him will do so as well. That is why Jesus spoke those magnificent words to Martha, after her brother Lazarus had died. In John 11:25,26 Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die." Yet, even between the time of death and the day of resurrection, God provides marvelous care for His people. In 2 Corinthians 5:8, we are told that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. That means that as soon as a Christian dies, that very moment his or her soul will be in heaven, free from any pain or sadness, enjoying the Lord's presence and awaiting that wonderful day of resurrection.
That is why we don't grieve like those who have no hope. Though
But what about when the person who dies is not a believer in Jesus Christ? What hope is there then? Oh, friends, that is a tough question. As a pastor, there is nothing more difficult than trying to provide comfort to a grieving family when there is no evidence that the one who has died made any type of profession of faith in Christ. Though many folks like to pretend otherwise, the Bible makes it clear that not everyone gets to go to heaven. For example, John says, "Whoever believes in the Son, Jesus Christ, has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life. For God's wrath remains on him." When a person dies who has rejected God's grace, which is offered through Jesus, that individual does not go to be with the Lord. Rather he or she faces God's judgment and wrath in hell. That is a very difficult and hard truth, but the Bible makes it clear that it is the truth. So how can we survive, when someone dies who we don't think was a Christian?
First, remember that God alone is the judge of each person's soul. Neither I nor anyone else has the power to consign anyone to heaven or hell. Like John Newton, I believe that when I get to heaven I will be surprised to find that some folks I thought for sure would be there are not, while others who I never expected to be there are. Though someone who has died may not have articulated a faith in Christ the way I would like to hear, if that person was trusting in Jesus Christ in his heart, he will be in heaven. God alone is the One who determines that.
Also, it is possible that someone who has rejected Jesus throughout their life, may turn to Him during the last moments before death. Think about, for example, the fellow we call the thief on the cross. I am sure at his funeral his family and friends all thought, "he was a wicked fellow; he has no chance of ever making it into heaven." But they were wrong. Listen to Luke 23:42,43. "Then he, the thief, said, 'Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.' Jesus answered him, 'I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.'"
Secondly, even if we have no hope that a person who has died is now in heaven, God can still provide comfort. I believe that one day when we get to heaven we will be aware that not everyone we know is there, and I don't think we will be happy about that, yet we will still find great joy in the presence of God. I don't understand how that will happen, but I think it will, and I also believe God can provide the same type of comfort while we are here on earth. Knowing the Lord, trusting in Him, is the source of solid and lasting joy, even as we grieve for a loved one who has died without professing faith in Jesus Christ.
Thirdly, thinking about how difficult it is to have someone we care about die without professing faith in Jesus Christ, should motivate us to do everything we can to make sure those around us know that salvation is found through faith in Jesus alone. We need to do everything possible to lovingly persuade the people around us to embrace Jesus as their Lord and Savior. It is sobering to think that folk I know are headed for eternity without Christ. Those sobering thoughts need to propel me to prayer and action.
Point #3: Even as we grieve we need to realize that God still has a purpose for us. Sometimes when someone very close to us dies, we are tempted to kind of give up on life. That's a foolish thing to do. Our spouse, our parent, our child, our very good friend may be gone, but there is a reason why we are still on this earth. I’ve often heard some of our older shutins going through those last frail years of life, and they often say, "The Lord must have some purpose for me, or I would not still be alive." They are so very right. Friend, if you are struggling with deep grief, you need to figure out what your purpose is for being here, and then you'd better be doing it. I know everyone of us is here to honor the Lord with our actions, words and attitudes. At the end of 1 Corinthians 15, after Paul has talked about the marvelous hope of the resurrection, we read this wonderful verse: 1 Corinthians "Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." Always give yourself fully to the work of the Lord, even in the midst of deep sorrow and mourning, because God has a purpose for us each and every day.
After someone we love dies, one of those purposes is often that we would be an encouragement to other folks who are grieving. Listen to 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
Friend, if you are a widow or widower, make sure you make an effort to encourage those who have recently lost their spouse. If you have ever had a child die, maybe a baby from SIDS, or a teenager in a car accident, make sure you tell others about the comfort you received from the Lord in that terrible circumstance. If your mom or dad has died recently, keep your eyes open for folks who are going through the same thing, and try to encourage them. Grief, like every other difficult experience in life, has the power to make us a better person, a more godly person, a wiser person. Let's make sure we use the growth that happens in our life to honor the Lord and encourage other people.
OK, #4: I want to close with some practical advice for surviving when death strikes. If you are experiencing grief because of the death of someone you cared about very much, here are some things you need to keep in mind and need to do, and if you know someone who is grieving, these are some things you might want to share with them:
1) Make sure you eat and sleep. If we are not getting adequate nutrition, adequate rest, adequate exercise, we are going to feel lousy, whether we are grieving or not. If we neglect to do these basic things, our grief will likely slide into deep depression, and we'll feel very much in despair even if our grief subsides.
2) Do not isolate yourself from other people. Again, if we do that, our grief is likely to become depression. Yes, it is healthy to spend time alone with the Lord, and to maybe have some very quiet days, but we need people. If you have recently lost a loved one, you need to be in church where you can receive the support and comfort of other believers in Christ. If your spouse has died, maybe you need to reconnect with family members or friends because those relationships are now more important than ever. But, don't shut people out. If you are grieving, you need them more than ever.
3) This is the other side of the coin - don't try to ignore your grief by always being busy. I have seen folks who have lost a loved one plunge into a flurry of activity with the hope they will not have time to think about what has happened. That is not healthy. Yes, it is good to do things, maybe do some traveling or develop a new hobby, but take time to grieve, that is important. However, again, don't do it alone. The Lord and other people are there to help.
4) If you are not able to function even months after the person close to you has died, seek some professional help. Yes, grief is normal. There are going to be tough times, especially during that first year after your loved one is gone. Every holiday or birthday that year will be the first one without him or her there. As I said before, if you really love someone, you will carry the scar of grief on your heart for years. Yet, we still need to be able to function. And, really, if we are not able to do that even a couple of weeks after the person has died, it is a good idea to seek help.
Friends, whether you are grieving today or whether it is something you will have to face in the future, I encourage you to find strength in God's promises. I could share with you numerous testimonies of people who have done that, including many in this room. But let me close with the words a woman named Sara Edwards wrote to her children the day after her husband, the great preacher/theologian Jonathan Edwards, had died. What shall I say? A holy and good God has covered us with a dark cloud. The Lord has done it. Yet, He has made me adore His goodness that we had your father so long. My God lives and He has my heart. O, what a legacy my husband and your father has left us! We are all given to God; and there I am and there I love to be.